


Ke Kaumaha

by nativehaole (sweeneybearsam)



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: 9x10, M/M, mcdanno, mid-season pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 11:58:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16932861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeneybearsam/pseuds/nativehaole
Summary: This is shit, but my soul is still bleeding from the mid-season finale on Friday. Spoilers inside if you've not see it. Steve needs comfort, and anyone who knows me knows that there's only one person who could possibly bring it to him. Even if it's just by listening. I know it's not my best, but I needed to do SOMETHING with my hurt. It's shippy (shocking, right?) so if you're a diehard McDanbro stan, maybe skip my little sappy slash thing.





	Ke Kaumaha

He hasn’t moved from his spot since the transport brought him and Joe home. He’s just sat, curled on the corner of the couch, Eddie glued to his side… for days. The team has reached out, constantly checking on him and making sure he’s stable, and Junior hasn’t left the house in days to keep watch. They know he’s trying to make sense of this loss, but they don’t know how he’s doing it. He made it clear that Danny wasn’t to be called, and they’ve obeyed- but Junior is starting to wonder if he should break the rule, to see if Danny can offer what they can’t to the traumatized man. He knows the motto that it’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission, so he goes for it, and in hours… he’s preparing to leave, because the detective needs to be alone with the commander. 

Steve is still there, staring blankly at a photo on the tv, an old picture of himself, Freddie Hart and Joe White. It’s been his focal point the whole time and he doesn’t look away when the door opens- his instinct is to assume it’s Junior returning. Until he catches the scent of Danny’s cologne, then he frowns, unsure of what to do. He wants to look, but the idea of taking his eyes off Joe stings him. He’s grateful that he doesn’t need to choose when Danny sinks beside him, the smaller man touching his shoulder, rubbing it before he wraps an arm around both, drawing the fragmented SEAL into his side, lips gentle on his temple as he whispers into the mounting darkness of the living room.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here…”

Steve’s voice is raw from lack of use as he offers lamely.

“I told them not to call you. Gracie needed to look at schools.”

“We finished a week ago, Steve. We’ve been home two days…”

The silence settles back as Steve turns, finally looking away to burrow his face into his partner’s neck, reaching and grabbing for him, wordlessly asking him to ground him, to bring him to a place where he can  think without feeling the ache of his loss. And Danny, being Danny… hears the plea. Loud and clear. So he holds him, rubbing his back and sides, cradling the back of the man’s head as he feels the steel frame of the unbreakable superhero shake. He’s not sure he’s going to ever find words for the pain he feels in his  _ bones  _ as Steve sobs. The last time he’d seen this emotion, Steve had thought, thanks to drugs… John McGarrett was still alive and Danny had been forced to remind him his father was in fact long deceased. 

It adds up, in his head. This is the same type of agony- his feelings about Joe White and his misdeeds aside… this man was a father to his partner. Someone Steve loved with a fierce and unshaken loyalty. He’s witnessing the stoic soldier allow himself to be what he was- a brokenhearted boy, who’d witnessed the death of his own Superman. So he will hold and be the anchor Steve is for everyone else. He offers soft sounds of reassurance, and a firm grip to keep the pieces of Steve McGarrett tethered to him. He knows not to say anything. Steve will talk when he’s ready. And he does, after what Danny quietly clocks at two hours after his arrival. 

“I wouldn’t be the man I am without him. I wouldn’t have gone to school, survived BUD/s, become a SEAL… I might not have met you… I owe  _ everything  _ about who I am to Joe White, Danny…” 

He wants to argue. To point out that Joe might have influence, but  _ Steve  _ is why he’s the man he is. It will just hurt the man more, though. So he kisses the side of his head and hums, quietly prompting him to go on if he wants to elaborate, assuring him without saying it that he’s going to listen.

“I got in trouble. My first day at school. I stole a car… I was arrested for it, and I… I always knew Joe was the one who got me out. That day… changed my life. I got serious, I committed myself to working through school, and then to going on to try for teams. When I got to BUD/s, Joe was our Master Chief. If I hadn’t had him… I wouldn’t have made it through. Then, when I made team? He was on two of the three teams I served with. He protected me, and made sure I made it home…” 

He stops and Danny can tell it’s because he needs to breathe- his shirt is soaked with warm, salty tears and he doesn’t want to rush him. It’s only a minute or so before Steve goes on.

“He made mistakes. He wasn’t by any stretch perfect. But he loved me like I was his own. And I loved him as fiercely. He was all I had when I wasn’t able to be with my dad, and after… after Hesse killed my father… he still came through for me. I prepared in school and BUD/s for the idea of being the last man standing after a mission. I have lost so many friends…  _ brothers.  _ Men I trusted with my own life, men I let down and couldn’t bring home and I have dealt with it. I have accepted it, and tried to move on… but… Danny…  _ Danny...  _ “

Steve’s next words take the air from him, and Danny isn’t stable enough to hide his own tears as Steve’s anguish overwhelms him. 

“How do I live with watching my father die?”

He can’t imagine the things Steve has seen in his lifetime. Twelve years in the Navy, another nine serving the island of O’ahu… and Danny knows the things they’ve faced here don’t compare to the rages of war. To the comrades Steve watched fall, to the bodies Steve probably carried home… the names, faces and voices he is sure Steve holds in his heart, soul and mind. He only has his experience losing Matthew, and even then, hed not been there when his brother was brutally murdered- he’d only been around for the way he’d been handed over. He doesn’t know how to offer insight, to provide the answer Steve needs… but he tries, murmuring against the tear stained, stubbled cheek of his best friend. 

“By remembering him for the man he was. By letting yourself feel comfort in knowing he wasn’t alone. He was safe, with someone he would have… and did… happily give his life to protect. Who would have done the same for him. You live with it by never forgetting what you had with him, and how he changed you. It’s not going to stop making it hard to breathe. It won’t stop making your heart break when you recall his laugh, but it will get easier. It did with John, right? And Deb. And Freddie. And every other loved one you’ve lost, baby. He’s never going to be gone. As long as you remember him, he will still be here. I learned that with Matty.”

There’s a beat as Steve lets it sink in and Danny isn’t sure he is right for his idea… but Steve seems to accept it as he moves closer, nodding against Danny in a way that reminds him of his son when he’s tired and sad. He keeps his protective hold, letting Steve ghost his lips over the other pair, resisting the urge to close the breath’s gap between as Steve responds.

“Thank you for coming home…” 

He knows Steve doesn’t mean to Hawaii. And he lets that comfort him as he stops fighting it and kisses him gently, encouraged by the way Steve slips a hand around the back of his head to return the soft affection, letting Steve lead him and only breaking away when Steve does, resting his forehead to the other man’s, humming out. 

“I was starting to get homesick anyway…”

“Couldn’t let me be grateful?”

“Didn’t want you to get cocky.”

“You’re annoying.”

“I love you too, babe.”

It’s going to take time for the light to return to blue hues, and he knows that. 

The way Steve falls into the familiarity in enough to assure him that for now, at least… Steve is trying to make it back. He won’t be alone, not again… but he’s making the effort to try and cope. 

Danny knows to take what he can get. 

It’s progress. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know there is a TON of mixed feelings about Joe in the fandom. Most people don't seem to like him and I respect that- but this is about Steve, his love for Joe, and his grief. We all know Lenkov more than likely won't be addressing it, and I needed him to get it off his chest. I might re-write it later after I watch the episode again and take this down... but for now... this is how Steve and I are processing what's happened.


End file.
